Day 4

When I hear an instruction I tend to quick back at it; sit like this, breath like this, focus your awareness on this, now this. I don’t like being told what to do. My body tenses, I push back. Why is that?

Week 1 Day 3

Sitting

movement

lots of interruptions today. As a result perhaps of not making a priority of practice first thing?

Week 1 day 2

Formal: Sitting. Movement. 

Informal: walking, gardening. 

Mind turned to interesting conversation during last session; Headspace app offers “superficial” techniques/tricks as coping mechanisms for the stress of daily life, versus “real” Mindfulness which goes much deeper and provides a foundation that undergirds us in the crises of life. But what is that “deeper” element? To me it is simply the process of developing self awareness, spotting our habitual patterns and learning to interfere and even change these by pausing, stepping back from, noticing then being able to choose our response rather than simply reacting to things in autopilot. Surely the app user can develop this same self awareness if they want? Why do we have to become so protective of our own belief/position/experience and feel the need to build our case versus everyone else’s? Provide an apologetic of why our thing is the real thing, the better thing, the true thing? 

I sense that in Mindfulness circles there is a constant implicit message that there is a “best” way, an ideal to which we should all be aiming, it is Buddhist, it is sitting correctly, everyday, for at least 30-40 minutes, longer if possible, it is using Eastern words and names, wearing the right clothes, attending silent retreats and being vegetarian. Just doing Mindfulness practices 10 minutes a day and occasionally when walking to the coffee shop, is not sufficient. 

I recognise in myself due to my history an intense avoidant reaction to being pushed/directed in a specific direction. I don’t like this because if we do this we are not having a true experience, our own experience, we are being inauthentic and striving to emulate someone else’s experience. So I rebel, I want to do things my way, have my own experience and learn directly from that so it is genuinely authentic. 

MBSR Teacher Training course 6 week Practice diary

Week 1 Day 1

6am

5 mins body scan

10 mins stretching 

10 mins sitting

5 mins informal sitting/3SBS

Further development

Posture; am struggling to sit correctly. Have not been on stool for sometime. Am sitting with cushions on sofa. Leading to snoozing instead of being aware.